A Guide to Church Etiquette
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How to Show Proper Respect and Reverence in Church
The Holy Orthodox Church is perhaps one of the last social institutions where dignity, protocol, respect, and reverence are maintained. This is primarily because when we come to the church and its services we are entering the Kingdom of God on earth, His habitation, and we choose to honor this sacred place by our attentiveness to what is proper and ordered. We have the opportunity to reflect the image of Christ within us by our actions. “You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation” (1 Peter 2:9). This guide is meant for personal reflection, not as a means of judging others. Keep in mind that there are different local and/or cultural traditions even among the Orthodox! We come to church to pray and worship God above all else, and that should be our only focus. |
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A Guide to Church Etiquette by Father David Barr discusses some things helpful to know while in church Originally published in The Word, a publication of the Antiochian Orthodox Archdiocese January 1997, pp. 4-7 |
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Below are some of the topics discussed in the guide. If you are visiting an Orthodox parish for the first time, do not worry about getting everything right! You are our guests, and we are glad to have you in our church home. After your visit, though, this list of topics may help you to understand why Orthodox Christians conduct ourselves the way we do in our churches.
Standing vs. Sitting
The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church has been to stand. In the Orthodox “old countries,” there are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are usually reserved for the elderly and infirm.
When should you definitely stand? Always during the key moments during our services: the Gospel reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the Anaphora, the distribution of Holy Communion, whenever the priest gives a blessing, and the Dismissal. When in doubt, stand. It is NEVER wrong to stand in church.
Lighting Candles
Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox Christians typically light candles when coming into the church – and that is usually the best time to light them, but there are times when candles should not be lit. It is not proper to light candles during key moments in our services: the Epistle or Gospel readings, during the Little or Great Entrances, during the Anaphora, and during the homily [sermon].
Entering the Church (Late)
The time to arrive at church is before the service starts, but it has become the custom – or even bad habit – for some to come to church late. If you arrive after the Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church quietly – and observe what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read or the Little or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished and then respectfully enter. If the priest is giving the sermon, it is polite to stay in the back until he has concluded. Being careful not to interrupt the Liturgy while entering helps everyone's prayers. Of course the best thing is to arrive on time – then you don’t have to wonder if it’s okay to come in or not. Apart from extreme cases, those arriving after the reading of the Gospel should not receive the Eucharist.
Crossing Legs
In some Orthodox cultures, crossing one’s legs is taboo and is considered to be very disrespectful. In our North American culture, while there are no real taboos concerning crossing one’s legs [outside of church], we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable while sitting. Should we cross our legs in church? No. Not because it is “wrong” to ever cross legs, but rather because it is too casual – and too relaxed – for being in church. To avoid getting too relaxed and letting your mind wander off too much when you do sit in church, sit attentively with feet on the floor, ready to stand and be attentive (which is what “Let us attend” means). Cross yourself with your fingers and hand – but don’t cross your legs!
Leaving Before Dismissal
Leaving church before the Dismissal deprives one of a blessing. To leave immediately after Communion is also a rude way to treat our reception of the Holy Eucharist. Church is not like a fast food restaurant where we come and go as we please. We live in a fast-paced world where we seem to be hurrying from place to place. In God’s presence we need to make every attempt to fight this pressure to move on to the next thing on the day’s agenda. We miss out on blessings by not being still and participating in God’s holiness. Eat and run at McDonald’s [if you have to] – but stay in church until the service ends so you can thank God for his precious gifts. [Some hierarchs have reminded us that out of the Twelve disciples, only Judas left the Mystical Supper early!]
Venerating Icons
When you enter the church, please venerate the icons. Usually there are icons at the entrance to the church, and many churches have icon stands in the front as well. When you approach an icon to venerate it, kiss the gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person in the icon, or kiss the hand or foot of the person depicted. Please do not kiss an icon in the face, just as you would not go up and kiss the Lord or His mother on the face. Certainly you would kiss their hand, and only if they invited you would you even dare to kiss them on the cheek.
Please take special care with lipstick in church when venerating icons, crosses, or the hand of the priest when we receive a blessing. Lipstick on the Communion spoon leaves a greasy residue on the holy Chalice, and makes it more challenging for the priest and deacon to care for it.
Talking During Church
It's great to come to church and see friends and family members. Coffee hour is the best place to visit and say “Hi” to them, though. Talk to God while in church through your prayers, hymns, and thanksgiving, and to your friends in the hall afterwards.
Kiss (Don’t Shake) the Priest’s or Bishop’s Hand
Did you know that the proper way to greet a priest or bishop is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand? How do you do this? Approach the priest or bishop with your right hand over your left hand and say, “Father (or “Master” in the case of the bishop), bless.” He will make the sign of the cross, and place his right hand over yours. The priest and bishop are God's servants to “bless and sanctify” you [through Christ], and whose hands offer the holy gifts on your behalf. So next time you greet your priest or bishop, don’t shake his hand – ask for his blessing.
Sunday Dress
There was a time not too long ago when dress clothes were often referred to as “Sunday clothes.” In many places now, though, attire in church has become very casual. If we consider that coming to church is to present oneself before the King seated on His heavenly throne, then we should want to show care to present ourselves in the best way we can. In all areas of our lives, we should offer Christ our best, and the same is true of our dress, especially at the Divine Liturgy. Please dress modestly and with dignity, so as to reflect well on our heavenly calling.
Here are some specific guidelines used in our Antiochian parishes:
Children: Only young children (under 10) should wear shorts to church – and then only dress shorts. Athletic shorts, cut-offs, and spandex shorts are never appropriate as church wear (for children or adults!). Shoes or sandals should be clean and tied. No one should wear T-shirts with any kind of writing [or advertisements] on them.
Women: Dresses should be modest. No tank tops or dresses with only straps at the shoulders, no short skirts (mini-skirts), and no skin-tight dresses. Dresses should have backs and not be cut low in the front. If women wear pants to church, they should be dress pants (not jeans, leggings, etc.). Shorts of any type are not appropriate for church.
Men: Men should also dress modestly. While coat and tie are not mandatory, shirts should have collars and be buttoned to the collar (the actual collar button may be left undone, but two or three buttons undone is not modest). Slacks should be cleaned and pressed. Jeans (of any color) are usually too casual for the Divine Liturgy, especially ones with patches or holes. Again, shorts are not appropriate church wear.
If you are going somewhere after church where you need to dress casually, bring a change of clothing with you and change after coffee hour. After all, you don’t go to be seen by everyone else – you go to meet and worship God.
To Cross or Not to Cross
Looking around on a Sunday morning you may notice that different people cross themselves at different times (and sometimes in different ways). To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is according to personal piety and not an issue of dogma. But there are times when it is specifically proper to cross yourself, and times when you should not. Here is a brief list of when to cross and when not to cross:
To Cross: When you hear one of the variations of the phrase “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;” at the beginning and end of the liturgical service or your private prayers; when entering or exiting the church, or when passing in front of the Holy Altar; before venerating an icon, the cross or Gospel book.
Not to Cross: At the chalice before or after taking Communion (you might hit the chalice with your hand); when the priest or bishop blesses saying, “Peace be to all” (bow slightly and receive the blessing); when receiving a blessing from a bishop or a priest (kissing the right hand of the bishop or priest is appropriate, but no making the sign of the cross).
Touching the Hem of the Priest's Garments
Many people like to touch the hem of Father’s phelonion as he goes through the congregation for the Great Entrance. This is a nice, pious custom by which you “attach” your personal prayers to the prayer of the entrance with the holy gifts. At the same time, you need to be careful neither to grab too hard and trip up the Great Entrance, nor to push people out of the way. And be sure to help your children so that they observe these guidelines as well.
Snacks for Children
Parents often bring snacks and a cup of fruit juice along for children during church. Oftentimes by the time children are 3-4 years old, they can make it through Liturgy without eating anything, and by the time they reach seven (the age of their first Confession), they should begin fasting on Sunday morning for Communion. For those children who get snacks, please don’t feed them in church, and especially not while in the line for Holy Communion. They need to come to Communion without food in their mouths. Instead take them outside the nave and return when they are through. Chewing gum during Liturgy is a no-no for everyone!
Handling the Holy Bread
After taking Holy Communion and at the end of the liturgy, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron – the bread that was left over after Holy Communion was prepared. While antidoron is not Holy Communion, it is blessed bread and, as such, should be eaten with care to avoid spreading crumbs all over the place. After taking Communion or kissing the cross at the end of the Divine Liturgy, take a piece of antidoron, and when you return to your seat or get to a place where you can stop for a moment, eat the bread. If you want to give a piece to someone else, go ahead and take an extra piece rather than break yours in half. Monitor your children as they take the antidoron, as well, and help them to eat it respectfully.
A Final Thought
North American society in the early 21st century is rather casual in its approach to life. Don’t allow this prevailing attitude to displace the dignity and shape of your Orthodox Christian piety. There are surely a lot of other areas that could be covered here. Much of church etiquette is based on common sense and showing respect for God and others. Always remember that you are in church to worship the Holy Trinity. The priest says, “With the fear of God and faith and love, draw near.” Let this be the way you approach all of worship. If you do, you will probably have good church etiquette.
Standing vs. Sitting
The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church has been to stand. In the Orthodox “old countries,” there are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are usually reserved for the elderly and infirm.
When should you definitely stand? Always during the key moments during our services: the Gospel reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the Anaphora, the distribution of Holy Communion, whenever the priest gives a blessing, and the Dismissal. When in doubt, stand. It is NEVER wrong to stand in church.
Lighting Candles
Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox Christians typically light candles when coming into the church – and that is usually the best time to light them, but there are times when candles should not be lit. It is not proper to light candles during key moments in our services: the Epistle or Gospel readings, during the Little or Great Entrances, during the Anaphora, and during the homily [sermon].
Entering the Church (Late)
The time to arrive at church is before the service starts, but it has become the custom – or even bad habit – for some to come to church late. If you arrive after the Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church quietly – and observe what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read or the Little or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished and then respectfully enter. If the priest is giving the sermon, it is polite to stay in the back until he has concluded. Being careful not to interrupt the Liturgy while entering helps everyone's prayers. Of course the best thing is to arrive on time – then you don’t have to wonder if it’s okay to come in or not. Apart from extreme cases, those arriving after the reading of the Gospel should not receive the Eucharist.
Crossing Legs
In some Orthodox cultures, crossing one’s legs is taboo and is considered to be very disrespectful. In our North American culture, while there are no real taboos concerning crossing one’s legs [outside of church], we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable while sitting. Should we cross our legs in church? No. Not because it is “wrong” to ever cross legs, but rather because it is too casual – and too relaxed – for being in church. To avoid getting too relaxed and letting your mind wander off too much when you do sit in church, sit attentively with feet on the floor, ready to stand and be attentive (which is what “Let us attend” means). Cross yourself with your fingers and hand – but don’t cross your legs!
Leaving Before Dismissal
Leaving church before the Dismissal deprives one of a blessing. To leave immediately after Communion is also a rude way to treat our reception of the Holy Eucharist. Church is not like a fast food restaurant where we come and go as we please. We live in a fast-paced world where we seem to be hurrying from place to place. In God’s presence we need to make every attempt to fight this pressure to move on to the next thing on the day’s agenda. We miss out on blessings by not being still and participating in God’s holiness. Eat and run at McDonald’s [if you have to] – but stay in church until the service ends so you can thank God for his precious gifts. [Some hierarchs have reminded us that out of the Twelve disciples, only Judas left the Mystical Supper early!]
Venerating Icons
When you enter the church, please venerate the icons. Usually there are icons at the entrance to the church, and many churches have icon stands in the front as well. When you approach an icon to venerate it, kiss the gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person in the icon, or kiss the hand or foot of the person depicted. Please do not kiss an icon in the face, just as you would not go up and kiss the Lord or His mother on the face. Certainly you would kiss their hand, and only if they invited you would you even dare to kiss them on the cheek.
Please take special care with lipstick in church when venerating icons, crosses, or the hand of the priest when we receive a blessing. Lipstick on the Communion spoon leaves a greasy residue on the holy Chalice, and makes it more challenging for the priest and deacon to care for it.
Talking During Church
It's great to come to church and see friends and family members. Coffee hour is the best place to visit and say “Hi” to them, though. Talk to God while in church through your prayers, hymns, and thanksgiving, and to your friends in the hall afterwards.
Kiss (Don’t Shake) the Priest’s or Bishop’s Hand
Did you know that the proper way to greet a priest or bishop is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand? How do you do this? Approach the priest or bishop with your right hand over your left hand and say, “Father (or “Master” in the case of the bishop), bless.” He will make the sign of the cross, and place his right hand over yours. The priest and bishop are God's servants to “bless and sanctify” you [through Christ], and whose hands offer the holy gifts on your behalf. So next time you greet your priest or bishop, don’t shake his hand – ask for his blessing.
Sunday Dress
There was a time not too long ago when dress clothes were often referred to as “Sunday clothes.” In many places now, though, attire in church has become very casual. If we consider that coming to church is to present oneself before the King seated on His heavenly throne, then we should want to show care to present ourselves in the best way we can. In all areas of our lives, we should offer Christ our best, and the same is true of our dress, especially at the Divine Liturgy. Please dress modestly and with dignity, so as to reflect well on our heavenly calling.
Here are some specific guidelines used in our Antiochian parishes:
Children: Only young children (under 10) should wear shorts to church – and then only dress shorts. Athletic shorts, cut-offs, and spandex shorts are never appropriate as church wear (for children or adults!). Shoes or sandals should be clean and tied. No one should wear T-shirts with any kind of writing [or advertisements] on them.
Women: Dresses should be modest. No tank tops or dresses with only straps at the shoulders, no short skirts (mini-skirts), and no skin-tight dresses. Dresses should have backs and not be cut low in the front. If women wear pants to church, they should be dress pants (not jeans, leggings, etc.). Shorts of any type are not appropriate for church.
Men: Men should also dress modestly. While coat and tie are not mandatory, shirts should have collars and be buttoned to the collar (the actual collar button may be left undone, but two or three buttons undone is not modest). Slacks should be cleaned and pressed. Jeans (of any color) are usually too casual for the Divine Liturgy, especially ones with patches or holes. Again, shorts are not appropriate church wear.
If you are going somewhere after church where you need to dress casually, bring a change of clothing with you and change after coffee hour. After all, you don’t go to be seen by everyone else – you go to meet and worship God.
To Cross or Not to Cross
Looking around on a Sunday morning you may notice that different people cross themselves at different times (and sometimes in different ways). To a certain extent, when to cross oneself is according to personal piety and not an issue of dogma. But there are times when it is specifically proper to cross yourself, and times when you should not. Here is a brief list of when to cross and when not to cross:
To Cross: When you hear one of the variations of the phrase “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;” at the beginning and end of the liturgical service or your private prayers; when entering or exiting the church, or when passing in front of the Holy Altar; before venerating an icon, the cross or Gospel book.
Not to Cross: At the chalice before or after taking Communion (you might hit the chalice with your hand); when the priest or bishop blesses saying, “Peace be to all” (bow slightly and receive the blessing); when receiving a blessing from a bishop or a priest (kissing the right hand of the bishop or priest is appropriate, but no making the sign of the cross).
Touching the Hem of the Priest's Garments
Many people like to touch the hem of Father’s phelonion as he goes through the congregation for the Great Entrance. This is a nice, pious custom by which you “attach” your personal prayers to the prayer of the entrance with the holy gifts. At the same time, you need to be careful neither to grab too hard and trip up the Great Entrance, nor to push people out of the way. And be sure to help your children so that they observe these guidelines as well.
Snacks for Children
Parents often bring snacks and a cup of fruit juice along for children during church. Oftentimes by the time children are 3-4 years old, they can make it through Liturgy without eating anything, and by the time they reach seven (the age of their first Confession), they should begin fasting on Sunday morning for Communion. For those children who get snacks, please don’t feed them in church, and especially not while in the line for Holy Communion. They need to come to Communion without food in their mouths. Instead take them outside the nave and return when they are through. Chewing gum during Liturgy is a no-no for everyone!
Handling the Holy Bread
After taking Holy Communion and at the end of the liturgy, it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or antidoron – the bread that was left over after Holy Communion was prepared. While antidoron is not Holy Communion, it is blessed bread and, as such, should be eaten with care to avoid spreading crumbs all over the place. After taking Communion or kissing the cross at the end of the Divine Liturgy, take a piece of antidoron, and when you return to your seat or get to a place where you can stop for a moment, eat the bread. If you want to give a piece to someone else, go ahead and take an extra piece rather than break yours in half. Monitor your children as they take the antidoron, as well, and help them to eat it respectfully.
A Final Thought
North American society in the early 21st century is rather casual in its approach to life. Don’t allow this prevailing attitude to displace the dignity and shape of your Orthodox Christian piety. There are surely a lot of other areas that could be covered here. Much of church etiquette is based on common sense and showing respect for God and others. Always remember that you are in church to worship the Holy Trinity. The priest says, “With the fear of God and faith and love, draw near.” Let this be the way you approach all of worship. If you do, you will probably have good church etiquette.